This is not the kind of place I live, though I don't mind a visit. I'm not bothered by a more rural life, I thrive on peace and quiet, and am not bothered by needing to haul my water, split firewood, or spend an hour just mowing my driveway.

I bought a GPS the other day, and it doesn't know where my driveway is..
or where the road leading to my driveway is..
or even about the highway leading to that road!

The only thing that really bothers me about living here off the map is that I'm in the middle of a food desert too. The nearest semi-decent grocery store and produce market are 40 minutes away. There's one restaurant worth eating at, and while a very congenial place to eat rustic food while watching the river flow by, it serves almost no vegetables. Adding to the problem, my fridge is a rather expensive propane model, which is about half a normal size, and has no freezer. Managing a healthy meal plan is a constant struggle, though I do have time to cook, at least, thanks to not having the kind of commute that is typical around here.

Well, the food desert was my only real problem. Now I can add to that the UPS emergency. A week ago, a package left Shenzen China for here. It quickly passed through Anchorage Alaska, and with a few days had arrived an hour and a half from here. Getting it here has taken the whole rest of the week.

I only knew UPS attempted delivery because a neighbor told me. Seems they took one look at my driveway and turned around. They never tried again, and they didn't bother to leave a note on the mailbox, or anything. Now, the US postal service is happy to drive up this driveway; they drive a sensible 4x4 around here. I think DHL and Fedex have been here too. (Contrary to John Goerzen's experiences) My compact car is not bothered by my driveway either...

But UPS's brand involves large brown trucks, even where inappropriate, and damage to them from such things as low-hanging branches apparently comes out of the driver's paycheck. And while normally UPS leaves small things in my mailbox, or with a neighbor, this was an important package from China, and it needed a signature. But really, a post card? "emergency"?!

So, I bought the GPS to find UPS, because my package was in an industrial park in some town I've never been to. And on Tuesday I was within an hour of there and swung by. And it was closed. UPS's website had not mentioned this; other businesses are open the day after Memorial day. That turned out to be a really annoying day all around. When I got home, after a night away, I found my fridge's fire had blown out, and nearly all my food was only fit for the dog.

Today I went out to try again (and buy groceries). When I reached the UPS depot.. it was closed! Until 3 pm. At this point I felt this story was reaching full-on farce.

After cooling my heels in a library for three hours, I was finally able to open the most over-packed package I've probably ever seen.

My kickstarter reward sample looks good.. I'll be ordering a lot more, but not to this address.

As a coda to the UPS farce, arriving home today I checked my mailbox, and found the UPS postcard had finally arrived. It included mention of the 3 pm opening time, and noted that I had until tomorrow before they'd return my package to China.

The coda to the coda is that on my way home from this second annoying day delivered courtesy of UPS, I stumbled on a restaurant overlooking a waterfall, just outside the town where I get my groceries. It serves food that satisfies both my Cajun and healthy cravings. Now I just need a larger fridge..